Interestingly enough, the act of praying has been on my mind lately. Perhaps it's because I've kept up my prayer journal since January (no small feat) or because Jensen has been sweetly singing "Jesus Loves Me" without restraint in enthusiasm or volume, or maybe just because God has impressed it upon me for reasons I don't yet know.
Anyway, last Saturday a half dozen ladies and I participated in what we've now decided will be an annual Day of Crafting at the local Catholic church. We set-up our machines at 7am and sewed, quilted, talked, laughed, shared and ate the entire day. It was truly a Mother's Day gift to all of us! The priest was very interested in our projects (and had lots of time on his hands) so he visited us often and usually around a meal time. ;)
At lunch as we all sat down to dig into our taco salads, Father suggested we pray. All of the ladies except me were members of the congregation. Although I haven't been to a Catholic mass in forever, the bowing of the head and folding of the hands and the formal, scripted Catholic mealtime prayer came naturally to me. As we finished the prayer with the sign of the cross and dove into our meals, I couldn't help but realize that I didn't recall one word of that mealtime prayer. I mean, I repeated it and knew the prayer itself, but I never realized the meaning of it. It was just a formality, something I memorized to say at the right time, but I never really put meaning to the words.
And to be even more honest, I was actually surprised at that realization. It was as if after the prayer was finished my mind said, "What did I just say? What did those words mean?". And my shock continued when my last thought was "Well, that wasn't a very personal prayer".
I was raised Catholic. There's nothing PERSONAL about Catholic prayer! Why was I so surprised by that?! Now, I'm not knocking Catholicism or Catholics or anything of the sort. Rituals and scripted masses and prayers are quite comforting to folks, especially those who prefer routine and like to know what to expect.
But while that prayer epiphany was surprising, it was very much needed. Jon and I have been debating which church to return to. Our hearts keep telling us to find a church and get involved and be the example for our daughter. We go back and forth between the Catholic church or the Baptist church or the Methodist church. Which one suits our beliefs, worship style, our family?!
Thanks to God telling me to "Wait for it..." and awakening my heart to a more personal relationship with Him, we have crossed the Catholic church off our list and will move forward with one of our other options. One where we can truly get to know Him and feel He can get to shape us.
"For prayer is nothing else than being on terms of friendship with God" Mother Teresa
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